Guarding the Heart of Our Group

Dear Prayer Group Facilitators,

We have entered rocky times. We might feel—perhaps more than ever—that we are not on solid ground.  We may not share the same political and social understanding as people we know and love, and this is difficult.  Most likely, your prayer group, like mine, has members who understand the world differently and thus have quite different opinions about the political and social scene. How do we as facilitators navigate these differences? Here are some thoughts and ideas.

Our awareness of the purpose of a Centering Prayer group is most important. If we keep ourselves attuned to this awareness, the ways in which we approach differences will fall into place. According to the facilitator handbook:

“The primary purpose of Centering Prayer Groups is to help sustain the commitment to a regular practice of Centering Prayer.”

One way to stay with the primary purpose of a Centering Prayer group is to establish ground rules for expression where people feel free to offer their understanding of their spiritual journey based on their Centering Prayer practice. It is our task as facilitators to help create an atmosphere of trust, non-judgement, and support.

In thinking about this question, I have taken some liberty with an article that I recently read in the June 2020 Contemplative Outreach newsletter. It was about the Guard of the Heart Practice. The article discusses this practice as it applies to the individual. I have extended it to include the group climate we hope to establish in our groups.

“Guard of the Heart” is a practice designed to bring the effects of Contemplative Prayer into daily life. “Heart is defined as the deep self or the seat of motivation. It refers to our inmost intention. If we want to get to our destination, which is inner peace, we have to keep our intention on course.”  The method that is suggested in individual practice is to let go of “every emotional disturbance as it arises and before we start thinking about it”.  Easier said than done.

Guarding the Heart of Our Groups

As facilitators, we hope to create a “safe haven” where the inner peace and sense of silence experienced during prayer time extends into our verbal sharing with each other. We hope to establish a ground of expression where people feel free to offer their understanding of their spiritual journey based on their Centering Prayer practice, where people feel free to express their uncertainties and their faith.

This certainly will not occur if we have political discussions. Especially not now. I have found that when political/social issues are allowed, resentments and defensiveness can build and divisions within a group can occur and have the potential to damage it. People no longer feel safe to share themselves. The climate of support and non-judgment we hope to develop can easily be broken. Applying a practice of Guard of the Heart may help us keep our group connected to the greater silence and the greater good.

A technique of the practice of Guard of the Heart is:

“If (as individuals), we find ourselves going down the path of destructive thought, make a conscious choice not to continue the thought, and replace the thought with something else”.

In applying this to group facilitation, we can redirect the conversation to the stated purpose of the group and focus on topics that have to do with prayer.

Or, in the words of some cowboy: “cut them (thoughts) off at the pass.”  So, whether it is destructive thoughts--or as in groups, destructive conversations--we can use certain methods to help keep our sharing on course and mitigate hurtful and defensive discussions.

Here are some concrete ideas that can be helpful:

-- Establish a group norm that politics are not discussed in the group. You may also want to have your group agree that dogmatism about any kind of idea--political, social, and religious--are not a part of the group. I am defining dogmatism as “I know what is right” and “if you don’t agree with me, you are wrong”.

When you establish norms, you may want to ask the group’s permission to state the norm when you think it is not being followed. In other words, make apparent what you see happening in the group: “I think we have veered off into a political topic, and I don’t think this is a good idea.” Or: “We have established a norm not to do this.”

 --If you do discern some underlying tension, go over the guidelines of faith sharing. Do this as often as you think this is needed, or at least once a month or any time a new person joins.

--Invite the group to have a moment of “resting in silence” when discussion seems to be producing tension. A good way to diffuse a heated situation is to have 3 minutes of silence.

One year, I went to Snowmass on an intensive retreat where people could talk to each other outside of Centering times. Many of the people were new to the prayer. Outside our times of meditation, some retreatants sat around wondering together how people in the CP movement could have political opinions that differed from theirs. I felt that the questions they were asking were legitimate, but also that the retreat setting was not the right one for these discussions. It created a diversion to the process they had come to Snowmass for. Instead of focusing on their experience during the retreat and on what they could control, they focused on what they could not control: different political opinions and the political climate. This divergence can also happen in our groups.

A spiritual director at Snowmass offered me some wisdom about our role as facilitators.  She said that we are guides to others in this transformative contemplative journey that we are on, and one purpose we serve is to help people stay faithful to the prayer and to feel safe enough in group to be open to others about their journey. We need to tap into our loving center and help others in the group tap into theirs.

As always, apply what I have shared as you will and in a way that you think is appropriate for your group. I hope some of this has been helpful.

I have included as attachments the short article on Guard of the Heart and an essay about "loving community" that I think speaks to our contemplative idea of “shared presence.”  I am also attaching the Guidelines to Faith Sharing.

Be safe, be well.

Kathy Agnew